Why do people sometimes hide who they really are when you first start hanging out? This last relationship I was in for two-and-a-half years, she started out as the coolest girl I’d ever met - laid back, adventurous, beautiful, intelligent, fun. We started dating and things took off pretty quickly, couldn’t get enough of each other.
Then, a year and a half later something clicked inside of her. I at first attributed the change as some sort of nesting instinct, something hormonal that triggered her controlling and bossy side to come out. I’m not a guy who likes to be told what to do by anyone, so I started getting frustrated after a while. The fighting began, the constant bickering over idiotic stuff like chores she wanted me to do while I was in the middle of my workday. I work from home, so is very easy to get distracted by these types of things.
So, the passive-aggressive part of me surfaces. I start hanging out with buddies that I had been neglecting for 2 years. Then, the downward spiral of relationship hell and anguish. It was a rollercoaster of emotional terror that I thought might be worth riding at the time, but now that I’m off I feel worn out and beat up. Why would I put up with bad things for so long when deep down I doubt it will change?
Anyway, the point of this is, I really wish more people would start out as themselves. There’s no need to hide the real you, because your true colors will show their head eventually - for good or for bad. In retrospect, I actually did see her controlling attitude before it was aimed at me. She used to get really upset with her roommate at the time for silly things like certain furniture she didn’t like, or her car not pulled all the way forward in the tandem spot they shared. Maybe my sensors just get fogged up by love that I’m blind to these things until their targeted at me.
A couple girls I’ve dated briefly in the past months have tried to pull some funny shit on me, like getting mad when I don’t call back right away or telling me not to drink at a friend’s party. Thank you for being honest with me before there’s any attachment. I will be honest with you and tell you that’s not what I want.
Don’t get me wrong, I know everyone changes with time. Just please don’t hide any existing “qualities” that might influence a decision on either side. We all deserve to know what we’re getting into. Maybe I’m asking too much, but in an ideal world, we’d all be able to just be ourselves.
